Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
