Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
