there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
