Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Omg I joined a choir last night...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
