Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
