After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
