the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
