I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
