there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
operation have a gay friend backfired
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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