xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
