It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
