my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
