My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
