my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
