There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
