Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
