I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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