why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
