took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
