We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
