So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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