in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
