I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
