I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
