I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
