i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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