I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
