I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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