so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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