Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
