My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
