3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
