Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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