with your own penis?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
