Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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