im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
