I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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