I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
