Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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