dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
