So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
