i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
