Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
