yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
