I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
