I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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