This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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