If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
