just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
