i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
