Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
