I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
